


some things you will remember

by QueenModthryth



Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Wrestling, universe hopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 09:39:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22444690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenModthryth/pseuds/QueenModthryth
Summary: While (unwillingly) universe hopping, Brian and Pat find themselves on opposite sides in a wrestling ring.
Relationships: Brian David Gilbert/Patrick Gill
Comments: 13
Kudos: 37





	some things you will remember

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [every city was a gift](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18219071) by [poppyseedheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppyseedheart/pseuds/poppyseedheart). 

> This story takes place in [poppyseedheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppyseedheart/pseuds/poppyseedheart)'s [every city was a gift](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18219071/chapters/43102385) 'verse! It was inspired by this line from chapter five: _"What if one morning Brian wakes up in a boxing ring across Pat and his body falls into a fight without his permission?"_
> 
> This doesn't cleanly slot into the 'verse at any particular point (because I feel like if it did happen, it would probably change the course of the story, at least a little bit), so feel free to envision it taking place whenever seems to make the most sense to you!
> 
> The title is from the song "Animal Mask" by The Mountain Goats.
> 
> See the end notes for more information on the wrestling inspiration for this fic.

Brian comes to with the sound of music playing loudly nearby. He doesn’t recognize the song.

Immediately, he can tell that he’s backstage somewhere. He doesn’t know _ where _ exactly, though. This doesn’t feel like a theater or a concert hall.

He glances down at himself, and, oh god, he’s in wrestling gear. Proper trunks and boots and knee pads, this time. No costume to hide behind. No mask, either. Just him.

There’s a new song playing in the arena just past the curtains. Brian knows this one. It’s his music. His _ entrance _ music. For the Brian who’s a wrestler. Oh god.

Without allowing himself time to overthink it, he steps through the curtains.

It’s a _ massive _ arena. There have got to be thousands of people gathered here. For a brief moment, Brian lets himself be dazed by it. Just takes it all in, as best as he can. Then he starts to walk.

Lights are flashing all around him, his music pounding in his blood, as he makes his way down the ramp to the ring. He takes stock of his emotions, trying to figure out what the Brian of this world feels about this. Excitement is the first emotion he identifies. Anticipation of something he’s been looking forward to for a long, long time. And then, underneath it all, dread.

Brian can’t tell how much of the sense of dread is native to the him of this universe, and how much of it he’s brought into this world with him.

The whole time, he’s smiling and playing to the crowd, reaching out to touch their outstretched hands, basking in their cheers.

He gets to the ring, and before he climbs up the steps, he stops.

Because there’s a person already standing inside the ring. And it’s the very last person that Brian wants to see right now.

Pat acknowledges him only with a stare.

Brian’s heart is pounding in his chest, suddenly, the pressure of it beating loud enough to drown out everything else in the world.

He feels the referee take the belt from him, and it isn’t until that moment that he realizes he even _ had _ a championship belt.

They’ve built up to this match for years. He knows this now, the information coming to him in little pieces and gasps. The Brian of this world and Pat have had a long-running feud over this title. They were tag team partners, once, but ambition broke them up, and after three years of both of them struggling to get to the top, it’s led them here.

The bell rings.

The two of them start to circle each other. It occurs to Brian that he doesn’t know how to wrestle. Thankfully, the universe seems to have him covered. When Pat moves to grapple with him, Brian’s hand comes up, and their fingers lock together, and his body knows how to move, how to twist around Pat and get the better of him.

There are some things that Brian knows about wrestling just from being friends with Pat, and from having done a tiny bit of wrestling himself for that one segment of Gill and GIlbert.

For one thing, he knows that it’s fake.

The outcome of this, whatever it’s going to be, is predetermined. Brian wishes he knew what it was. That would take some uncertainty out of the whole thing. But his brain hasn’t supplied him with that information, so there’s nothing to do except let the whole thing play out. He supposes he’ll find out the same time as the audience.

Pat breaks free of Brian’s grasp. Then Pat swings at him, and his hand is coming down on Brian’s chest. Hard.

Brian staggers backward from the hit. He’s pretending that it hurts worse than it does, for the sake of the crowd. But it did hurt a little, actually. He wasn’t expecting that.

Pat hits him again, this time across the face, and Brian flinches away from it. Then he hits back.

They trade blows for a bit. It feels like a warmup. Pat and Brian meet each other’s eyes, and there’s such an intensity there, in Pat’s gaze, that Brian almost doesn’t know what to do with it.

The pace of the match picks up, and for a bit, there’s no time for Brian to think about anything. He just reads Pat’s actions and reacts, countering and dodging his moves. Then Pat grabs him and slams Brian over his shoulder in a suplex, and Brian ducks his head to save his neck from the impact.

His entire body is coursing with adrenaline. He feels half-crazy with it. As he kicks out of the pin, he can’t believe how excited he feels to be here. Even as it hurts, he knows that they’re putting on an incredible performance.

Now that they’re fully in the thick of things, the level of danger has started to ratchet up. Both Brian and Pat are taking bigger and bigger risks, each trying to outdo the other. It’s electrifying.

There’s a story, here, to this match. Brian knows enough about wrestling to know that there’s always a story. He thinks the story of this one isn’t so much about two men vying for the championship title as it is about two men who just desperately want to be in the same ring together again.

They’re beautifully, dreadfully in sync.

Pat’s got Brian by the hand. They’re back to trading blows. But they’re holding hands as they do so, unable to let go of the other person even as they’re hurting each other.

Brian realizes, then, that they’re in love. The Pat and Brian of this world are, at least. He doesn’t think they’re public with it, but he can’t tell if that’s because of the industry that they’re in, or if it’s because their characters are supposed to hate each other right now.

And, god, it hurts. Being in love.

Pat’s hand slams into Brian, and Brian goes down, tugging Pat with him. Pat drops Brian’s hand and moves to cover him, arm going to hook under Brian’s leg, but Brian kicks out before the count reaches three.

For a moment, Pat just sits there beside Brian, who’s laid out on the canvas in the center of the ring.

During that brief reprieve, Brian comes back to himself a little. But it’s all just too much, and he starts to panic, and then Pat’s hand is there, dragging him upright. Brian meets his eyes, and he can see Pat—_ his _ Pat—underneath Pat the character, Pat the wrestler.

_ It’s going to be alright_, Brian tells himself. _ We’ve got this. _ I’ve _ got this_.

He jumps up and hits Pat in the face with his knee.

There will be time later to overanalyze everything. For now, he’s just going to let himself fall into the role and play this character. He’s going to let himself be in love with Pat even as he’s pretend-real fighting him.

They end up outside of the ring. It’s more dangerous to wrestle out here. Less padding. The crowd’s eating it up, though. But Pat doesn’t drag Brian in the direction of the crowd. He’s heading toward some scaffolding at the other side of the arena.

There’s a spotlight on them. Their skin glows pale and bright as they grapple with each other beneath the construction area.

Brian doesn’t know what possesses him to do it. But suddenly he’s got a hand wrapped around a support beam, and he’s hoisting himself up onto a wooden platform, and then there’s nowhere else to go besides up. Up, and up, and up.

He’s exhausted and strung up on adrenaline at the same time. So full of pain and love that he doesn’t know what to do with either.

He climbs the scaffolding until he’s at the very top. There’s a balcony there. The floor’s a long way down. Brian can see Pat standing down on the ground. And once Brian sees him, he can’t see anything else. He forgets about the crowd, about the lights, about the referee, about anyone else in this venue. He just sees Pat staring up at him like Brian is the only thing in the entire world.

Brian’s walking along the balcony ledge. There’s a roar of sound in his ear that might be the crowd, or maybe it’s just his heart pumping blood through his body, keeping him alive even as he does fantastically stupid things to it.

He stops walking. It occurs to him that he doesn’t have to do this. _ I really don’t need to actually die in this universe_, he thinks.

His back is to the arena. He can see his own silhouette outlined in the spotlight. He thinks about Pat waiting below.

It’s amazing what you can do when you trust someone completely.

Brian jumps.

His body twists in the air. It’s a moonsault. Which is just a backflip, really. He doesn’t think he knew the word for it before he did it. It must be a breathtaking move to watch, though doing it is utterly terrifying. Yet, as he falls, Brian feels oddly serene. 

He didn’t look to see if Pat was in the right place to catch him before he jumped, but he knows that Pat will save him.

As he comes back to earth, Brian’s body collides with a warm, familiar body, and both of them go down.

Brian and Pat both get to their feet. They’re staring at each other, and Pat’s expression looks so struck with love, Brian almost has to remind him that they’re supposed to be fighting each other. But then Pat seems to remember what they’re here to do, and he slips back into character, and they both head back toward the ring.

The lights almost feel too bright in here.

Brian tries to pin Pat shortly after they reenter the ring. Pat kicks out at two. Whatever it’s going to take, the moonsault wasn’t enough.

The tides have turned, though. This time, Brian has the advantage.

Pat stands up, and Brian leaps up and wraps his legs around Pat’s neck, flinging him to the floor. Pat starts to struggle to his feet, but then Brian’s got ahold of him again, and Pat’s body goes pliant in his arms.

Brian executes another move on him. Once again, Pat kicks out.

Then, for a couple minutes, Pat gets some last, desperate offense in. 

But Brian gets Pat in his arms again, and he hoists him up. He can feel Pat’s participation in the move that’s about to finish him. This weird, horrible, collaborative artform that is professional wrestling.

Brian brings Pat down onto his knee, then drops him on the mat and falls on top of him. Brian’s arm is under Pat’s leg, the rest of him pressing Pat’s shoulders down into the mat.

The referee’s hand slams down onto the canvas beside him.

_ One, two, three_.

The bell rings. The crowd cheers. Brian’s music starts playing. He isn’t thinking about any of those things.

He lifts his head to stare down at Pat, who’s gazing up at him with tears in his eyes. Brian rolls off of his body, and for a very long moment, the two of them just lie there, side by side. Brian wants to take Pat into his arms. He wants to curl into him and kiss him and cry out all of the pain and love until he’s completely empty.

But he can’t do that because it isn’t part of the story. Not for these characters in the ring.

With some effort, Brian gets to his feet. The referee holds up his hand in victory. Brian gets his championship belt back. He’d completely forgotten about it. He thinks maybe he hates it, that belt.

Pat is still in the ring. Still lying prone. His hand is over his face.

Brian crouches down next to him. He holds out a hand.

Pat lowers his hand from his face. He isn’t crying now, though he also isn’t looking at Brian. Slowly, he sits up. He doesn’t take Brian’s hand.

Brian’s hand falls back to his side. He knows that this is just a story, that they’re both here to perform, but it’s got him more fucked up than any other role he’s ever acted in his life. What they did tonight, this match, was another step closer to reconciliation for these characters, but they’re not there yet. Who knows how many more months it’ll be before Pat can take Brian’s hand, before Brian can pull him into his arms and hug him and let the world know that they’re okay.

As his music plays, Brian ducks under the ropes and leaves the ring. He can feel tears streaking down his face, and he hopes that it isn’t showing on the cameras.

Somehow, he manages to pull himself together just in time for the interviewers to swarm around him, asking for his post-match comments. Brian barely remembers what he says. He lets the vestiges of the other Brian take the wheel. It’s the other Brian’s story, anyway. He’ll be the one dealing with the consequences of this.

Then, finally, Brian escapes to the locker room. It’s quiet in there. Empty. Except, he’s not entirely alone.

Pat’s sitting on a bench, still in his gear. His eyes are closed.

“Hey,” Brian says, weakly.

Pat looks up at him. He smiles, but his expression is already crumbling. “Hey,” he answers.

Brian sits down beside him. He’s crying again before he can even start to say anything else. Just full-on sobbing.

Pat’s arms come up, wrapping around him, and Brian just melts into him. He can feel Pat shaking, his tears wet and hot on Brian’s skin where his face is tucked into the space between Brian’s neck and his shoulder.

For a very long time, they just sit there and hold each other and sob.

“Fucking wrestling, man,” Pat says, his voice muffled by Brian’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault,” Brian says, softly. “You didn’t choose this.” He wonders, then, why his other self did.

“This is so shitty,” Pat says. “You don’t even like wrestling. Fuck.”

Brian opens his mouth to agree, but what he says instead is, “Hm, it’s not so bad.”

Pat pulls back a little to stare at him in surprise.

“I mean, it’s…” Brian struggles to find an explanation. “It’s a lot like theater, really. Just _ way _ more intense, and way too similar to sports for _ this _ theater kid’s liking.” He pauses, and when Pat doesn’t offer a remark, he keeps going. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I get it. I get why you like it.”

Pat laughs, but the sound comes out more like a sob. Brian moves to hug him again. Now that Brian has him, now that they’re together and _ not _ trying to pretend to beat each other up, he thinks he never wants to let go of him.

“I hurt you,” Pat says. “I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t hurt me. Not in any way that matters. I knew what I was getting into when I walked out there.” Brian strokes Pat’s skin, trying to reassure him with soft touches that it’s okay, they’re both okay.

He realizes, belatedly, that this is a lot of physical contact when both of them are wearing very little clothing. But wrestling is such a tactile thing, and after going through everything they went through during that match, this gentle intimacy feels so nice.

Brian can’t wait to just go home and crawl into bed with Pat. He wants to cuddle for a bit, then just lay this aching body to rest and wake up in a different body, with any life other than this one.

“Wanna get cleaned up and go home?” Brian asks.

“Fuck, we can’t.” Pat pulls away from him. “We can’t go home together. We can’t risk breaking kayfabe if someone sees us in public together.”

Brian makes a strangled sound of protest that gets immediately stuck in his throat. Pat’s right. Of course he’s right. They can’t just throw away everything that the other Pat and Brian have built with this story. Three years of pretending to hate each other, of avoiding each other in public, of sneaking around and exchanging covert kisses and quiet moments in the dark.

A few months from now, the story will have its narrative payoff. They’ll finally get to have their public reunion. They can be together again, after that. But not tonight.

“You’re right,” Brian says, reluctantly. “If there’s any chance that this universe exists independently of us, we can’t do that to them.”

He thinks, later, after they’ve both showered and gotten dressed in normal people clothing, that walking out of that locker room alone might be the hardest thing he’s ever had to do in any of these universes.

His heart aches, and he can’t tell if the pain belongs to him, to the universe-hopping Brian, here for only one day, or if it belongs to the other Brian, the one who’s so in love with Pat, and so desperately longing for the day that they can be together.

Perhaps it’s the same pain, shared across all of his selves.

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of the wrestling parts in this were directly borrowed from the Golden Lovers, particularly their [2012 singles match in DDT](http://thespectacleofexcess.com/2018/02/12/a-body-from-the-balcony-the-devastating-erotics-of-omega-ibushi-at-budokan-hall-guest-post-by-lb-teufel/) (featuring the infamous balcony moonsault that got Kota Ibushi banned from the venue for six years), with another reference to their [last singles match in 2018 in NJPW](https://kotaicutie.tumblr.com/post/176901198271/holding-hands-and-beating-each-other-up-at-the) (which happened in the same venue as the 2012 match).
> 
> The Golden Lovers story is similar in many ways to the fictional wrestling story in this fic, but it's also very different (the Golden Lovers never actually fought against each other when their characters were supposed to hate each other). [Here's](https://medium.com/we-need-to-talk-about-wrestling/that-one-tweet-thread-about-the-golden-lovers-annotated-e9fc604e3a7f) an article summarizing the first decade of the story from it's beginning in 2008 through their reunion in 2018. [Here's](http://thespectacleofexcess.com/2019/02/23/stories-that-are-true-to-our-hearts-kenny-omega-and-kota-ibushi/) a slightly more up to date article, though there have been some significant developments since then! Nothing as dramatic as another reunion, but Kenny wears the Golden Lovers symbol on the right shoulder of his AEW entrance gear (on the side with the wing. The other, wingless, side has only an empty omega symbol), and both he and Kota have used each other's moves in their big matches recently. Kota was also referenced in Kenny's Undertale promo on October 30, 2019. And if you want to cry, [here's](https://youtu.be/j4_c-I5ImyM?t=1356) a May 26, 2019 video clip of Kenny talking about the Golden Lovers. And [here's](https://mitchtheficus.tumblr.com/post/183723520364/kenny-talking-to-don-callis-about-maintaining) a quote from Kenny about keeping kayfabe with Kota before the 2018 reunion.
> 
> I'm still pretty new to wrestling (I've only been a fan for less than a year), and I don't really know Pat's full history with it, so I don't know exactly what moves and styles that he likes. He definitely is aware of the Golden Lovers, though, as he was a fan of NJPW at the right time. Here's an article that he wrote on Kenny shortly before the Golden Lovers reunited. Also, fun fact: Pat did commentary for DDT's very first show in America on April 4, 2019! DDT is the promotion where the Golden Lovers got their start back in 2008.


End file.
